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She Deserves A Little Back

She Deserves A Little Back

I’d like to take a different turn this time around and strike a more serious note.  Yes, I am capable of being serious.  While it’s true that I can inject the mental image of a goat into any situation, it is not the sum total of my existence.  For instance, if you ask me, “What […]

When Zombies Arrive

When Zombies Arrive

I was at the movies this weekend and a frightening fact began to emerge.  When a superhuman terrorist attacks, we send Ironman to stop him.  A lizard monster evolves from a science experiment and Spiderman swings to the rescue.  When a rogue demigod threatens the Earth, Thor and his big hammer are sent to save […]

Check The Bag

Check The Bag

I overheard a conversation this week that is indicative of a general problem people have with expectations.  Someone was discussing the new film “Scary Movie 15” or whatever inconceivable number we are up to now.  They said, and I quote, “It was really stupid.”  This represents a fundamental, colossal problem with individual expectations.  Of course […]

Deep Sea Adventure

Deep Sea Adventure

This was a long week but amid the chaos, I found a moment or two to think about vacation and visit my Dad’s grave.  This reminded me of the time my Dad and I went deep sea fishing.  It was definitely an unforgettable experience. Now, anybody that knew my father is probably already laughing and […]

Barktillmymommaseyespopout

Barktillmymommaseyespopout

It’s time for another installment of the dog versus wife chronicles.  For those of you new to this blood sport, the dog is winning.  I could explain more, but the mere mention of these canine victories around our house is strictly forbidden.  In fact, I’m taking quite a chance relaying the most recent development.  Throwing […]

Somewhere Between Lofty and Lowly

Somewhere Between Lofty and Lowly

If you’ve been around kids for any length of time, you know their perception of reality can be a bit askew.  Those altered perceptions are often aimed at the adults around them.  For instance, toddlers tend to think their parents pull the moon out of their back pockets and hang it, just perfect, every night.  […]

All Over The Board

All Over The Board

Pardon me if I ramble a bit, but I have a few things to get off my chest, and they may not be completely related.  If you promise to bear with me during this mental popcorn excursion, I promise to at least attempt to pull these fairly unrelated items together into a neat package that […]

Billy Bob For Pope

Billy Bob For Pope

The recent election of the Pope got me thinking.  What if papal elections were like southern politics?  There would be signs in every yard: “Billy Bob for Pope.”  Now, of course Billy Bob would have to select a papal name if he won the election.  He’d select something appropriate to his roots, perhaps Pope Elvis. […]

Farm Safety

Farm Safety

How do you stop a pig when it attacks?  You give it a pork chop, of course.  Now this type of wisdom might escape the average person’s consideration, but in light of my daughter’s recent Safety Day field trip, I have decided to share a few basic observations. First, it occurs to me that someone […]

The Adventures of… Duck Tape

The Adventures of…  Duck Tape

The miracles of modern science and technology never cease to amaze me. I remember when cell phones were the size of small dogs, and now they not only easily slide into a tight pair of jeans, but talk to you while they are there. I’m always afraid it’s going to tell me my jeans are […]

Desensitized Squatch

Desensitized Squatch

This week I was thinking about the meteor that exploded over Russia, and I was reminded of a YouTube video I watched showing it zoom toward Earth.  The video was from a Russian police car and you could hear the radio playing in the background.  It wasn’t a police radio, oh no.  It was 80s […]

Better Than A Coupon

Better Than A Coupon

Is it possible to leave a 24 hour one-shop-stop department store with low self-esteem?  I’m thinking it’s, at the very least, highly unlikely.  You certainly could leave there feeling like you need a shower, but your self image will still be solid.  I could easily envision a circumstance where you left feeling the need to […]

Stupid Quote Man

Stupid Quote Man

Have you ever run across something so absolutely stupid it takes you a moment to process someone actually said it?  Well, it happened to me recently while surfing the internet, a place known for its stunning intellect, and I was going to just let it go, that is until someone agreed with the stupidity, and […]

Goat To Hero

Goat To Hero

This has been an interesting week.  The pendulum has swung from goat to hero, pausing ominously like a raven above my chamber door.  First, my wife pointed out that I was a writer and I should have written her a romantic poem.  This, I’m sure, was prompted by some Victorian British movie and the upcoming […]

Private eyes, watching you!

Private eyes, watching you!

It was one of those searing hot days.  Some like it hot and some sweat when the heat is on.  Me, I like it hot, but I still sweat.  It was a manic Monday, and this guy walks into a quiet establishment in Istanbul, not Constantinople, and looks this girl, Jenny, straight in the face […]

Professionals Only

Professionals Only

So, I was watching some sort of national ice skating championship last night. Mind you, this wasn’t by choice. Women seem to like this stuff for some reason, and after months of football season, how much complaining can a guy get away with anyway? First, I’d like to point out that the competition was in […]