If you think the Baby’s ugly

As you might imagine, people tell me some odd things.  Apparently, when you write about dressing up a goat as Grandma and driving it around town, the assumption is weird is wonderful, and if it involves animals, all the better.  I say this to point out I was absolutely not surprised when someone told me about an alpaca in a onesie.  Well, I suppose I should clarify.  An alpaca in a onesie was surprising, someone telling me about it, not so much.

The alpaca and its interesting attire does bring up some rather pertinent questions as well as a few frivolous ones.  First, where was the alpaca’s tail?  This may not seem important to you, but to the alpaca I’d bet it was significant, and subsequently related to any impending hygiene issues.

I’d also like to know what motivates someone to put an alpaca in a onesie.  Dressing a goat as Grandma has a clear, articulable purpose.  Maybe I’m just a stick in the mud, but dressing an alpaca like a baby seems a bit random.  I suppose you could carry around a giant pacifier and stop passersby to ask them if they’d help you change your baby’s diaper, but what kind of person would do that?  You could, I guess, crack jokes like, “If you think the baby’s ugly, you should see its mama, the Llama!”  You might even try to get someone to burp it, which I suppose would be mildly amusing in a juvenile sort of way.  Me, I’d take the high road and put sunglasses and a Corey Hart t-shirt on it, but whatever.

I’m also curious as to what the other animals are wearing around the alpaca.  Did the same guy put overalls on the cows?  Perhaps the dog is wearing lederhosen.  Maybe, in an irony of ironies, the ducks were dressed in Duck Commander shirts and teensy, tiny camouflage pants.  I don’t know, but I bet somebody will tell me.