A Fine Line

Sometimes there is a fine line between acceptable and faux pas. I’ve noticed that when it comes to relationships, that line is often closely associated with the U.S. penal code’s definition of a felony. I know love is blind, but come on, people. Let’s use some common sense. I’m going to take a moment here and try to better clarify the dos and don’ts of the love experience.

It is perfectly acceptable to give the target of your affection a hand written note expressing your feelings. It is unacceptable to spray paint that you love them more than your tractor on the interstate overpass. It is in poor taste, violates the law, and is quite insensitive to a tractor that has served you well. Stick to the note.

Scratching a former love’s name in the sand surrounded by a heart and sending them a picture is an acceptable way to say you wish you had them back. Cheesy and desperate, but acceptable. Scratching the same message in their car door is absolutely unacceptable. Better to be cheesy and desperate than are-you-following-me, did-you-just-boil-that-bunny-rabbit, restraining-orders-have-been- issued kind of desperate.

In case you haven’t gotten the point, let’s try one more. Leaving a gift at your love’s door, acceptable. Breaking into their house at three o’clock in the morning so you can wake them up and hand it to them personally, unacceptable. I would call that overkill. Well, I wouldn’t call it overkill if I was receiving the gift. In fact, I would go out of my way to NOT use the word kill at all. I would probably speak softly and say something like, “Go home and take your thorazine. I’ll call you in the morning.”

So, if there is a message in all this, I suppose it has something to do with love making people crazy enough to need thorazine. This rant, however, was not really about sending a message. It was more about avoiding one. I’m just tired of seeing ‘Cletus loves Wanda Sue forever’ misspelled on the overpass.