Can’t Get There From Here?

I went on a business trip this past weekend to a place near McMinnville, Tennessee, which I might add has a rockin’ VFW on Thursday nights.  For those of you who don’t know, McMinnville is a bit isolated.  Oh, who am I kidding?  Saying McMinnville is a bit isolated is like saying the Titanic ran into a bit of a problem or Death Valley is a bit warm.  Despite the understatement (and for the record, the area was beautiful and the people very nice, when you could find them) directions were kinda hard, though.  When you Google for directions, it simply asks, “Are you sure you want to go there?”  Then it says, “You can’t get there from your current location.”  I looked closer and the fine print added, “or any location.”  Then when I clicked for a map, it gave me a shaded circle called Nowhere with a dot in the middle labeled “Your destination,” and Siri started asking if I was sure I really wanted to go there or if I was joking.  After that, she started saying something about updating my shots and leaving accurate dental records, then suggested a Sherpa guide.

As it turns out, that part of the country is the nursery capital of the world.  There were a lot of nurseries.  There were also a lot of donkeys.  This uncommon sight was made even more odd by the fact they seemed to be free range yard donkeys.  During one twenty minute stretch of the drive, I actually saw more donkeys than humans.  I also saw three camouflage pickup trucks, which could have been one camo pickup we crossed paths with three separate times on winding roads, but I’m not sure.  Either way, it begs the question, “Who thinks it’s a good idea to drive a vehicle nobody can see?”  Seems to be a flaw in the old thought process to me.

There were also some pretty strange road names back in them there hills.  Bone Cave Road, yeah, doesn’t sound like a forgiving place.  Hurricane Hollow and Savage Gulf.  Neither sound like pleasant places to commune with nature, and I would like to point out Tennessee is a landlocked state.  Perhaps, and I’m just gonna suggest this, drinking was involved in the naming of those places.  Perhaps even the manufacturing process.  “Ain’t no revenuers wanna be in no hurricane or savage water.  We’ll just change the names from Moonshine Hollow and Consumption Bay to summin’ all scary like.”  And if the revenuers were anything like me, it would have worked.  I wasn’t about to go down either of those roads, even if I had a camo pickup and computer directions that said something other than “It’s not really possible, but if you want to try, turn right at the gas station with one pump and no sign, then take a left at the fourth donkey.  If you reach Calf Killer Bridge, you’ve gone too far.”