She’s a stalker

When your brain works like mine, an epiphany can be as disturbing as it is enlightening.  Unfortunately, I realized something today I don’t quite know how to process.  You see, my daughter and my dog want to switch places.  Oh, the evidence is clear.  It’s the motivation that has me dumbfounded.

Let’s see what you make of the situation.  The child picked out a wolf costume for Halloween.  Coincidence?  I think not.  She likes to lay on us, occasionally bites, and has been known to whine.  Clearly dog envy.  Before you know it, she’ll be eating kibble and chewing rawhides.  I’m not going to have grandchildren, I’m going to have puppies.

The dog, on the other hand, wants to be human.  Truth be told, she may actually believe she’s human.  She even looks at other dogs with a bit of high hatted disgust, as if she’s unsure why they scurry about and drool.  She does this while drooling.  She insists on sitting on the couch and constantly steps on the remote control in some lame attempt to monopolize the television.  Animal Planet, you might assume, but no, the Food Network I think is her channel of choice.  She follows my daughter everywhere.  At first, it was cute, you know, the love of a dog sort of thing.  Now it’s just creepy.  Devotion has crossed over into obsession.  Trust me, the dog is not loyal.  She’s a stalker.  One of these days, she’s gonna put on the yellow pajamas, brush her teeth with you know who’s tooth brush, climb into bed, and ask for a nighttime story.  This will be made even more disturbing by my daughter’s presence at the foot of the bed, munching on a Milkbone.  Then again, maybe they just like each other, which would make my epiphany more of a musing.  My brain musing, go figure.  That I can process.