Child Emotional Health

Early childhood specialist Erikson defined eight stages of psychosocial crises during social and emotional growth. You can help your child successfully complete these stages and become an emotionally healthy adult, by following a few basic steps.

• Stage 1. Basic trust (ages 0 – 2): In this stage, you give your child his/her basic needs; food, shelter, clothing and soothing environment. You answer cries … you nurture. You give lots of hugs, kisses and cuddles. You sing and talk to your child. This comes to naturally and is generally done very well.

• Stage 2. Autonomy (ages 2 – 4): During this stage, you must not become frustrated with new behaviors. Your child is looking for some independence. You must find ways to give opportunities for independence. Let him/her help with chores, choose a toy or clothing. Offer a few choices. Keep your voice “neutral”, or in a “monotone”, at all times, while dealing with no’s, tantrums and stubbornness. Your child can read your voice tone and will respond negatively. When your child says “no”, quietly say “yes”, and if needed, use the “hand over hand” technique (put your hand over the child’s hand and help him/her do what you requested). If you say “stop” and he/she continues, then redirect, to a new activity.

• Stage 3. Purpose (ages 3 – 5): These are the preschool years and your child needs a peer group. You can form play groups from church or your neighborhood. Many children have interaction with peers through day care programs. These programs should offer lots of free play time. A program that mimics a miniature elementary school is not appropriate. All learning should be through play. You can help define the play, by the toys or props you offer. Pieces of various materials, with play fasteners, are often better than costumes. Your child’s imagination is challenged by the fabric to develop play schemes that are much more elaborate, than costumes will afford. Boxes are also great props, as they can be used in many ways, by an imaginative child. Teach your child to share with you, and others. Play board games, and play group games. Involve your child in family activities that include following and giving instructions. Give your child ample opportunities to make decisions about his/her life. Talk to your child, and respect your child as an individual person.

• Stage 4. Competence (ages 6 – 12): During the school years, talk about social rules. Help your child know what to expect, in given social settings. Expose your child to many different experiences. He/she is learning social rules, by watching you, and through imitation. The more experiences your child has, the more confident he/she will become. Going to sports events is great, but also go to church, nice restaurants, plays, movies, and art events. Teach manners so that your child will know what to expect. Remember, the more you teach, the less will be learned through peers. With confidence, your child will have everything needed to lead, and will become less of a follower. This is a time to open horizons, and learn new and wonderful things. In the next stage, you will not be at the center of their learning experience. So… teach… show… experience together.

• Stage 5. Fidelity (ages 13 – 20): In the adolescence years, your child is fine turning him/herself. You can help by giving space (independence) and trust. In this stage you should become a “cheerleader”. Your child may believe he/she does not need you during this time, but, in fact, you are needed more then ever. Your role simply changes. Communication is very important in this stage. Really listen to what your child is saying to you (or not saying). Don’t intrude, but, do know what is happening in your child’s life. Know his/her friends, and keep them close, by creating an environment that is warm and comfortable. Talk to your child as you would an adult, showing respect for feelings and knowledge. Learn from each other. Answer rebellion with real communication. Remember the non-emotional voice from stage 2, use it now and life will be easier. Do not debate… do not argue… communicate.