‘Creepy’ with a C

Really 300xI have no problem admitting I am spelling impaired.  In my opinion, Samuel Clemens was on to something when he said, “Simplified spelling is all right, but, like chastity, you can carry it too far.”  Make no mistake, I know this means I have opened myself to criticism by a certain crusty, old English teacher with a propensity to correct Shakespeare.  I don’t care and will simply consider myself in good company.  Okay, I care a little, so let me make a point, just in case that crusty, old English teacher is reading.  I can read a dictionary.  Granted, it might take me awhile to find the appropriate entry due to grotesque letter misplacement, but I can, in due time, read it and understand its meaning.  You, you comma Nazi, can read a calculus book or treatise on quantum mechanics as many times as you want, but you will never understand it.  Who’s stupid now?  (This is where I stick my tongue out.  There is a small possibility I am harboring an aliquot of resentment.  I am also pleased the English sadist is having to look up the word aliquot.  I’m not proud of my actions, but I am completely satisfied, so don’t judge.)

So we have established that given enough time, I can successfully use a dictionary.  What are at times less fruitful are my attempts to use spell check on a computer.  Sometimes it seems to take offense at my efforts.  Is it normal for the computer to respond by asking me to ‘find an adult to help’?  Once, after thirteen wrong attempts at the word certified using an ‘s’, it spelled another ‘s’ word and made it flash on the screen.  ‘Simeon.’  This was a cruel, hurtful message which caused me to seek comfort in a bowl of banana pudding.  Another time, the computer asked me to delete its hard drive so it would no longer suffer.  Then one day, it asked me to take the red pill and never return.  The final straw was when spell check informed me that I was targeted for termination, switched to Spanish spell check, and spelled the phrase ‘hasta la vista.’  Then the screen went black and all I heard was, “Shall we play a game?”  Creepy, with a c.

Source: David Swann