Do Dogs Understand Us?

Have you ever wondered whether your dog understands what you’re saying, but has trouble with nuance and context? What if they get it but they take it all super duper serious. Say, for instance, you say, “If that dog catches a rabbit, I’m gonna have a cow.” The dog could be totally freaked out by this. He’s seen the size of a cow and he fears for your life. Plus he doesn’t really want a cow around getting petted and eating his food. He’s like, “Oh my gosh. This is all my fault. I want the bunny. I really, really want the bunny, but I can’t be responsible for the death of my master by cow birth.” That’s a lot of pressure to put on a dog due to a simple miscommunication.

It doesn’t stop there. “If you eat my shoes one more time, I’m gonna kill you.” The dog’s thinking, “Gee, Mom, that’s kinda Draconian, don’t you think? Overreact much? A shoe and the life of a loving pet, not exactly comparable, but who am I to talk? I’m just the expendable dog.”

Maybe it’s one o’clock in the afternoon and you haven’t eaten yet. Not thinking about how the poor dog is gonna interpret your words, you say, “If I don’t eat right now, I’m gonna starve to death.” Then you do like four other things before you eat. Meanwhile, the poor dog is following you around the house, a nervous wreck, waiting for you to drop dead. Unless you have a poodle. A poodle is probably thinking it serves you right for the whole shoe overreaction. “I’d offer you a shoe to stay your imminent death, Master, but you know the rules. On the bright side, you can rest assured I won’t eat the shoes off your corpse. I learned my lesson.”