Alien Dinner Choices

Really 300xIt’s true, people sometimes accuse me of being somewhat paranoid. I think they’re just out to get me. It is, however, remotely possible I’m getting worked up over nothing this time. Or, more likely, a serious dilemma looms on the horizon. The social ramifications of space travel are, in a word, ominous.

The concerns related to intelligent beings visiting our planet run the proverbial gambit. Perhaps they land in a 40 year old trailer park inhabited by illiterate pot smokers married to their third cousin and deem humanity too intellectually inferior to join the greater galactic community. As a result, we completely miss out on the Andromeda Convention and its amazing new roller coaster that makes Orlando seem like a cow pasture in Iowa. Maybe they will enslave us because their power grid runs on reality TV stars with no discernible talent and inappropriate social behavior. We have enough of those to keep them here for ages. Maybe they come looking for Bigfoot, and when they knock on a tree to attract it, some howling idiot knocks back. Through this exchange, they discover humans mirror their own stupidity and need for hyperbole. This shames them, so they lobby for our exclusion from the Galactic Community and we still miss out on that darn roller coaster. All these things are possible, but I’m not crazy enough, or paranoid enough, to worry about them.

I’m worried about how alien visitation will affect my Friday night dinner plans. Let’s face it, I have a hard enough time deciding between Mexican, Italian, and Chinese. Now I’m gonna have to think about Martian or Io cuisine? I don’t want to have to decide whether to get deep fried three-headed squid from Titan or the Ichiban roll at the Asian House. It’s just too much pressure. No way, Jose, or in this case Penguichiolibamtengoblrp.

No alien visitation for me, thank you. I’ll just have a pepperoni pizza, or maybe I should get mushrooms, unless aliens are drawn to mushrooms. You don’t think that’s paranoid, do you?

Source: David Swann