Teachers Thank Parents

School has started, and I want to take a moment to thank parents on behalf of teachers everywhere. Your children are a pleasure to teach. Now, I know some of you just fell out of your seat, so let me assure you I am talking about your child. Yes, I know that he used to laugh as he sprayed you during diaper changes. I am fully aware of how many times you had to say, “Don’t eat that!” and, “Call Poison Control!” when they didn’t listen. I understand that she cut her own hair and you cried later that evening when you were finally alone. I know how seldom you were able to use the restroom in peace and how every time you close the bedroom door, someone under five feet knocks on it.

I realize this is the same child that looks at you like you’re stupid because you don’t know the lyrics to a Justin Bieber song, or perhaps simply because you exist, despite the fact you are largely responsible for everything of value they know. I also realize this is the same child that doesn’t clean their room, doesn’t do their chores unless threatened with an Amish lifestyle devoid of phones, TVs, and computers, and doesn’t appreciate most of the things you give them.

I am talking about that very child, the one you brought into this world and sometimes consider taking out of this world. I know they’ve caused you to lose hair, throw shoes, and utter words that would make a hardened sailor blush. I am thanking you for that very child.

Since you’re probably speechless, let me tell you the dirty little secret they don’t want you to know. When you finished your cursing, straightened your remaining hair, and picked up your shoe, you said something that makes a teacher’s life much better. You pointed a very angry finger and said, “You better not act that way at school.”

Congratulations, parents! Most of them actually listened to that part, and for your efforts, the educators of the world say a heartfelt thank you.