Help Your Child Make and Keep Friends

Help your child make and keep friends:

– Teach personal independence.

– Encourage language expansion by language experiences. Talk to your child about a variety of subjects (this should start early). Don’t always “give” answers, sometimes help your child “find” answers instead. Teach problem solving skills.

– Encourage your child to play with different toys. Buy a variety of toys (not every doll, truck or ball, on the shelves, for Christmas, etc.). Developing several interests, broadens the number of play groups to choose from, on the playground.

– Help your child develop a variety of interests. Within the sports arena alone, there are many choices, not just football, basketball, baseball and cheerleader. How about soccer, swimming, softball, volleyball, tennis, golf, archery, horseshoes, racquetball, badminton, croquet, twirling, skating, skiing, gymnastics, track events, wrestling, karate, and the list goes on and on. Every child should have the experience of creating music (not necessarily formal lessons, there are many less time consuming and expensive options). Play a variety of board games with your child (also great for problem solving). Experience the arts with your child. Create art from found objects (also problem solving). Explore books of art, from ancient times to present day. Children find these intriguing. Explore science through everyday activities, and through little day trips (Natural History Museum in Gray, TN, Oak Ridge Science Museum, Knoxville Zoo, Briarwood Ranch Auto Safari in Cock Co. TN, Cherokee Dam, Douglas Dam, among other sites close by). Talk about different cultures and how they are different from your family. Have a Spanish, Russian, Indian, etc. night with family and friends. By doing some of these things with your child, friendship choices increase in possibilities. It gives your child great versatility.

– Teach your child the golden rule. Always treat a friend as you want to be treated. Don’t do or say anything that you would not want said or done to you. Teach your child to think, before speaking, especially if angry or frustrated. Teach: Stop, and ask yourself, “If your friend said it to you, would it upset you”? If the answer is “yes”, don’t say it! Instead, express to your friend, in a calm manner, why you are upset with them. Teach your child to listen to the “little voice” inside, and stop, and really think about their action (model this behavior for your child). Teach the same with actions, “would you want your friend to do this to you”?

– Teach your child to march to his/her own drummer (be real). Teach that he/she is unique and special (like no other). Teach him/her to value their uniqueness, and not become a carbon copy of someone else. Fitting in, is fine, but teach your child to bring something unique to the group. Teach your child to follow his//her instincts, and be true to them.

– Teach your child to be honest. Beware of making promises. Teach your child not to promise things that cannot done. Think before promising. Keep promises that are made. Teach your child to not lie, by rewarding the truth, and correcting the lie. Practice honesty at home. Beware of what you promise to your child, and follow through with what you say. If something comes up that prevents you from keeping a promise, make sure you discuss it with your child, respecting their feelings.

– Teach your child to be loyal. If others are talking about a friend, your child should ignore the conversation and move away from the group. Never indulge in gossip about a friend, and do not feel the need to tell the friend about the gossip, as it may serve to only hurt their feelings. This applies even when you are angry at a friend. Never gossip or back-stab! Never say anything about your friend that you would not be prepared to repeat to their face. If a friend tells you something in confidence, don’t talk about it to anyone else. If the confidence is something that can harmful to the friend, tell your child to share it with you, and then use your adult discretion to determine what must be done, if anything.

– Teach your child to be respectful. Good friends respect one another and show this by being openly and mutually supportive. Teach your child how to be a good listener by demonstrating how you listen to him/her. Teach it is OK to disagree if you are friends, and to respect other beliefs. Teach how to compromise in a relationship, not always demanding things go their way. Teach turn taking (especially important to the “only child”).

– Teach your child to hate actions, not people. When someone does something we do not like, it is the action we do not like, not the person. This seems simple, but it is very important that we teach tolerance. Tolerance makes your child more desirable as a friend.

– Teach your child to share. Children who share gain friends. Sharing is an important factor in making and keeping friends.

– Teach your child to give a friend space, to include others in the friendship. The bigger the friendship circle, the better. Teach that jealously is undesirable in a friendship.