Twinkling Night Fiends

Parental pride is powerful, but it is undeniable that it sometimes takes unusual forms. I’ve seen parents proud of what’s in a diaper, how vigorously their child assaulted a fellow Cub Scout, and clothing the child did not buy, pick out, or look particularly good wearing. I’m certainly not passing judgment. Okay, well, yeah, I am. But I’m also honest enough to admit I am not exempt from the grasp of this prideful beast. And my parental pride takes some truly bizarre shapes.

For example, I am extremely proud of my daughter’s reaction to the vampire film Twilight. Those who have seen the movie may recall a scene on the top of a mountain when Edward, a dashing boy-band perversion of a vampire, reveals that he shimmers in sunlight. Shimmers, mind you, not bursts into flames. You can imagine my overwhelming pride when my child burst into hysterical laughter. When she calmed, she said with a touch of pathetic in her voice, “He twinkles. Really? Rainbows and unicorns and pretty little puppies and Edward the vampire. That’s just wrong, but it is funny.”

First, I congratulated her mother on a job well done. Then I sat down to write this. If you’re looking for something poignant or enlightening, sorry. In fact, there is only one real point here at all – I’m bragging. Boom! My daughter recognizes twinkly vampires are stupid and that makes me a superior parent. I’ll have this in my back pocket forever. Somebody will be telling me about their kid graduating from Harvard and I’ll be like, “Yeah, that’s great. How do they feel about twinkly vampires?”