Childhood Independence

Independence is the cornerstone of life, and the sooner we gain it, the better our lives will be. Helping the child grain independence is an important task for moms, dads, grandparents, and caregivers. I know we love to cuddle our children, as we should, but independence and cuddling are totally compatible actions. Yes, it is possible to create independence and still cuddle our children into adulthood. So, let’s define cuddling. In infants and children, it is the wonderful action of kissing, hugging and lounging body to body, as much as our child will tolerate. It also involves anticipating and meeting their every need (later known as coddling). When our children reach adolescence and adulthood, we have to get by with much less of the former (hugs, kisses, lounging), but we still anticipate their needs and have the desire to fulfill them as much as we can (maybe not the Porsche, but certainly the happiness). Now, for the definition of independent, as it is applied to early childhood teachings. In this case, the meaning is for a child to independently perform self help tasks that are age appropriate, thus becoming independent of the need for others to do it for them.

We often do not want our children to become too independent of us, for fear they will no longer need us. As a mother of older children (now adults), let me assure you that nothing is further from the truth. I raised my children to be independent, but to know that I am always there for them, when “they” want or need me there. Happily, I can report a good relationship with my children, even in the difficult teen years, and into adulthood. It is a respectful relationship on both parts. Independence garners respect for family rules, feelings and everyone’s needs. And … coddling…believe me it will not stop when personal independence is gained. Children want and need our show of affection as much as we do. Sometimes, we simply want to keep our child a “baby,” thus “coddling” them into adulthood. Believe me when I say, “adult babies are not much fun,” but by the time you discover the truth in this statement, it will be far too late to make any changes.

There are other reasons we should want our children to become independent of us for their basic self help needs. Your child does not think of self help skills as something undesirable, in fact he/she constantly practices imitating both mom and dad. When they are able to successfully fulfill the task at hand, the shine of self esteem, beams from their face. What an accomplishment!  What joy!  That is what we want most for our child: the knowledge that he/she can achieve the things they want in life. We want our children to embrace life with a positive attitude, that will take them far. We want our child to be happy. Independence is the first step to happiness. Independence also plays a pivotal role in developing early childhood skills. You have learned how skills follow a sequential pattern. When we interfere with the sequence by, holding the bottle too long, delaying potty training, not allowing choices, feeding, only to avoid a mess, etc. we delay development. Independence is a must in the life of a happy child or adult!