Dealing with Adolescent Behavior

When dealing with adolescence behavior, there are a few things we can do to make the relationship a better one. These are simple, yet difficult strategies.

– Stop trying to fix things. All things do not need to be fixed by a caring adult. Adolescence are still changing both physically mentally and emotionally. When we see their struggle, it’s tempting to offer solutions. However, too much focus on the problem can do the opposite of our intention. Instead of making them feel better, it may just reassure that something is very wrong. So, why not ask yourself if this is really a big problem or a minor issue, if there is safety or legal issues involved. If there is nothing earth shattering, it might be better to just say, “I’m sorry you’re going through this right now. Is there anything I can do to help or support you?”  Communicate that you have confidence in their ability to manage the problem, and that you’re always there if needed.

– Remember when you were a teenager and the intense emotions you felt. You would not go back and relive your adolescence (conflict with parents, peer pressure, breakups with boyfriends/girlfriends, homework, being told what to do by adults in your life, acne, social and fights with friends). Ask yourself how someone could have responded to help or support you.

– Everyone has different talents, capabilities, strengths and weaknesses, so do not make comparisons with others and their behaviors. Resist the urge when you’re tempted.

– No one likes being reminded over and over again of their past mistakes. So when the issue is over, let it be over. Don’t keep dragging up past mistakes. Trust them to learn, and if another incident happens again, give the same consequences.

– Let go of trying to control in order to protect. Watching someone you love make choices you believe are wrong is hard. You can comfort, soothe, encourage, give consequences, love, support, offer suggestions and guidance, but ultimately, they will make their own choices.

Coping with stress and difficult situations is hard. It’s a learning process that goes on our whole lives. We never, even in adulthood, reach a point where we can cope with everything, all the time.