Lunchbox of the Future

Those who know me well are aware that I have an affinity for infomercials and find advertising in general hilarious. It should come as no surprise, then, that I have discovered an interesting new commercial. A boy is at school, about to eat lunch, and Mom comes into the cafeteria to bring him something from home. She has a refrigerator strapped to her back. Now, if that refrigerator held a frigid goat wearing a goat sweater and goat mittens holding an offering of goat cheese, it could very well have been the greatest cinematic achievement since Don Knotts drank buzzard puss before being attacked by a Wookalar at Biltmore. Alas, no imagination, and a golden opportunity, once again slips away.

Nevertheless, greatness was achieved, though by accident and the curious overreaching hand of a legal department. Yes, my friends, there was small print, a disclaimer of glorious stupidity. It said, “Don’t try this at home.” I kid you not. Someone is concerned a fragile stay-at-home mom will forgo the traditional lunchbox and strap a Frigidaire on her back. Sounds reasonable. After all, it only took two sweaty behemoths and a hand truck to get it in the kitchen. Why wouldn’t a hundred pound domestic goddess strap it on her back?

Now, as much as I want to laugh hysterically at a cadre of overpriced legal minds fretting over this unlikely turn of events, I am all too aware of reality. Somewhere, a rather slow mother of several children, all named after adult beverages, is being crushed under a refrigerator as she attempts to bring cold goods to her offspring. If only she could read.

Which brings me to the moral of this story, because, of course, this story had to have a moral. Reading is fundamental and, apparently, pretty important if you hope to avoid being crushed by a home appliance.