Dancing Horses with Nail Polish?

Dancing Horses with Nail Polish?

I went to the movies this weekend, and it was an enlightening experience. Apparently, horses like to dance and have an affinity for nail polish, at least according to the four hours of commercials I endured before the movie started. I felt like they had toothpicked my eyes open. Water boarding would have been more comfortable, but I digress. Back to the dancing, accessory conscious equines, a prancing pony so to speak (I was watching The Hobbit, after all). When I say that horses like to dance, I don’t think I’m doing justice to the revelation. Horses like dance offs, with women, in multiple genres. This seems a one sided contest since horses don’t look right in tutus and spandex. Advantage human. There was also a decided human advantage in the selection of genres. Tap dancing might be neutral, but Russian folk dancing goes to the horse and break dancing goes to the human. In fact, the mention of break dancing makes a horse flinch in fear it’s going to be put down. There was no Russian folk dancing in the commercial dance off. This seems patently unfair. I was hoping the horse would challenge the chick to a race.

Then we have the unbelievably disturbing nail polish component to the brainwashing, I mean commercial. Let me point out a few facts about horses. First, they have hooves, not nails. This alone should have invalidated the entire concept, though I would argue it never should have even gotten that far. Imagine how it went.

“Oh, I’ve got a great idea! We’ll have this horse, a dancing horse. No! No! A dance off with a horse and a girl, no, several girls dressed like that chick from Flash Dance, but no water. Then the horse will wear nail polish.”

Right then, right there, someone should have smacked that guy just for being stupid. They should have fired that guy and walked him out of the building because someone like that is bound to get lost if left on their own. Instead, they said, “Okay,” and made some poor horse dance against the cast of Xanadu with nail polish on its hooves. How much nail polish does that even take? Which brings me to my second and third points. Horses are advertising the use of nail polish despite the fact that they don’t have opposable thumbs, heck they don’t have any thumbs at all. And they’re color blind. Think about that.