Check The Bag

I overheard a conversation this week that is indicative of a general problem people have with expectations.  Someone was discussing the new film “Scary Movie 15” or whatever inconceivable number we are up to now.  They said, and I quote, “It was really stupid.”  This represents a fundamental, colossal problem with individual expectations.  Of course it’s stupid.  And you expected it not to be stupid?  That’s like being surprised your fast food fries are greasy.

Just as a public service, and on the off chance that young “Scary Movie” fellow is reading this (my expectations are realistic; there is a good chance the boy doesn’t read), I’m going to correct a few expectational drifting arrows.  First, when you follow that really big guy with the sweaty double chin holding his belly into the bathroom at the Chinese buffet, don’t be surprised if it smells in there.  Don’t expect a fresh lemony scent.  In fact, don’t expect your eyebrows to stay attached and your nasal passages to ever be the same.

Another expectational error is expecting a Lifetime movie to have an action scene.  The closest thing to action you’re getting is crying while a character runs away from a troubled past, which undoubtedly centers around a man or toward a long lost love who probably writes poems about how he misses her and has all her letters in a lock box under the floorboards in his mountain cabin.  While you expect that action scene, you might as well expect the woman you watch it with to not cry, hate it, and say, “This channel is stupid.”  Not gonna happen.

And just in case my hopefully literate young friend expecting “Scary Movie” to vie for an Oscar hasn’t gotten the point yet, let’s try one more.  When you get your order at the drive through window, you DO need to check your bag.  I know, I know, it seems like it should be a given, but you would be surprised how many times people get shorted an apple pie or ketchup before they start checking the bag.  When it comes to expectations, keep it real.  Just check the bag.