Vampire Brush
Caroline Graham Swann
Hello darlings, I must, simply must, inform my readers of a brush that has bristles or teeth equal to the legendary vampire.
Well, this true story starts out on a happy day, early in the morning I began getting ready with the usual make up ritual. And what am I going to wear decision? Not to worry about my hair, cause I had the new miracle brush the size of a can of tomatoes with the heating element to style hair as a master hair dresser in a few minutes, all in the convenience of one’s home. I hummed a song as I put on the mascara, thinking how exciting to have a new brush with all the luxury issues for hair styling.
My hair is natural curly and the best way to describe it, even chemically straightened, and is a scene from, BEAUTY SHOP, a comedy film. A southern girl gets out of her car with a large picture hat on looking for her hairdresser that has moved to a new location, so upset because when she takes her hat off it has frizzed so much it looks like a wild wig. This kind of hair takes a master stylist that knows what products really tame this mane.
My hairdresser certainly does a marvelous job, could not be any better, but with all of this rainy steaming hot summer weather, my hair was growing bigger each day. So the perfect solution was the miracle magic brush advertised on TV. I plugged in the cord and when it was hot, picked up the brush, the bristles felt very hard, but I did not hesitate to begin… Immediately, it was not a “PIECE OF CAKE” to use and it was now tangled in the back of head with a part of my hair, I certainly did not want to loose. Nothing I did would get it out and I could not see the back of head easily nor struggle with my hands and arms in the right way to untangle about a hunk of twenty- eight inches of long hair.
Darlings, if ever one has known terror concerning an issue of hair, it was me. I had tried to reach every friend that might be at home, alas, each number had only the voice mail and no immediate help. I tried every thing one can think of to get the bush out of my hair. It was pulling painfully and the stiff bristles were digging into my scalp. Needless, to say tears were streaming down my face and after four hours I sobbed loudly with a few choice words used only in an emergency. Even my dogs started to howl, being my girls they follow me around and watch me with great interest as I go through the female ritual each day of make up and hair.
To make a long story short, the man sent his wife and a friend over to help my life turn back to normal without having to learn living with the pain of having an electric brush and cord forever hanging from the back of my head. Well it took time, some muffled pulls of pain as they had to twist, turn and finally used a pen to go under the hair trapped beneath the spiky hard bristles.
Yes, I lost hair, twenty -eight inches long and hands full of the width of my hair in the back. No, with the volume of hair that I have and the rainy weather making bad hair days with the expanding volume, only I constantly feel the injured scalp from pulling and the vampire type of teeth biting into my flesh from the bristles of the brush.
Never will I buy another electric brush from an advertisement! And just to be sure of never being exposed to this certain type of vampire, I may wear garlic and a cross.
