Moral Development

Does your child show empathy for other people’s feelings? Empathy is important to a child’s overall development. Empathy is the identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings or thoughts of another person. Empathy is important to moral development, because it allows the child to identify with emotions experienced by others. But, this ability develops gradually. While infants often appear to empathize, they are simply indicating personal distress, rather than concern for others. An infant does not separate himself/herself from others. And, a child must first be able to identify self as a separate individual, before feeling empathy for others.

Around the middle of a child’s second year, this ability begins to emerge. The typical two-year-old can identify the person who is in distress and may offer assistance. However, the assistance will be based on the child’s needs, rather than the needs of the other person (offering a bottle, blanket or other favorite item). At around age six or seven, your child becomes cognitively capable of understanding how another person feels. This leads to a more appropriate response to another person’s pain. However, it is not until the child approaches adolescence that he/she begins to think abstractly enough to empathize with groups of individuals such as the homeless. It is at this point we begin to understand how your child’s experiences may have colored attitudes, feelings, and behaviors.

Many researchers believe we are biologically programmed to be sensitive to the distress of others, as the ability to empathize is beneficial to humans. But, experience can enhance or interfere with your child’s ability to empathize. By providing your child with words to describe emotional states, he/she will be more aware of his/her own feelings, as well as the feelings of others. Pointing out how others feel as a result of your child’s behavior, promotes development of empathy.

Warm, loving relationships with caregivers, creates feelings of security and encourages your child to think about the emotional needs of other. Research shows your child is more likely to develop an internal sense of right and wrong if you parent with authoritative, inductive discipline. This approach emphasizes rational explanations and moral consequences, not arbitrary rules and heavy-handed punishments. Research also suggests your child will find it easier to understand the emotional signals of others, if they are well-supplied with their own, naturally-produced oxytocin. Oxytocin is released when people experience pleasant touching (like hugs and massage). On the negative side, physical punishment, threats, and scolding can interfere with the child’s ability to empathize. A child who experiences negative relationships are at risk for developing antisocial behavior.

Teach empathy by modeling caring behaviors for your child. Treat your child (no matter how young) as an individual with a mind of his/her own. Talk about your feelings for others and their joys or pain, and discuss the ways that beliefs, desires, and emotions motivate behavior. Show excitement for your child’s happiness and sadness for his/her unhappiness. Make your child aware of the similarities they share with other people, as research demonstrates we are more empathic with those we can relate to. Name emotions such as, lonely, frustrated, frightened, joyful, shocked, proud, discouraged, hopeful, unwanted, contented, anxious, or delighted through books and daily events. Ask questions about emotions (use the words listed above) when reading to your child. It has also been found that imitating the facial expressions of people we want to empathize with, helps develop sincere empathy. And, actually making the facial expression encourages empathy.

With bullying on the rise, it is even more important that all children develop empathy. A child with empathy for others will not be a bully.