No Cruises for Me

Today, after lunch, the conversation turned to family vacations for next year. We decided on Maine or California, with stops along the way. It all sounded great. I was even O.K. with the Florida Keyes, even though I would prefer spring or fall instead of the hot summer, but I drew the line when they said a cruise to Alaska. My response was… No… It would be like the Titanic with me aboard. They chided me for my fear, but I remembered!

I was in a small boat with my father-in-law, nephew and five year old daughter. It was a nice day and we were enjoying the lake, so we ventured further and further away from our starting point. Now I must say, this was only the third time I had experienced boating, and the first two times were not wonderful. Needless to say, with a young child on board, my senses were on alert, as we cruised away from my comfort zone. As my daughter was enjoying the ride, I decided everything was probably going to be fine and started to relax. And then, a sudden violent storm appeared from nowhere. No warnings, just sudden winds, torrential rain, thunder and lightning. It was like something out of a nightmare, but we were not sleeping. No, we were bouncing around the boat, shifting from side to side, with waves the size of rough ocean waves. For whatever reason, the decision was made to get back to where we started, not pull over and wait, and the quickest way was to go fast. Let me tell you, I was very frightened. I slipped my daughter under a blanket on my lap to keep her from being frightened. She was wearing a life jacket, but the water was so rough, would she be swept away? I foolishly, had no life jacket, but my worry was for my daughter. As we hydroplaned from wave to wave, my anxiety rose. My only solace was that my father-in-law seemed to be secure that all was well, and we were not in danger. With my anxiety at a heightened state, the coup de grâce, was when my father-in-law quietly said, “The cushion you are sitting on floats, hold on to it. I will take care of Sissy, don’t worry about her, just keep hold of the cushion, don’t let go”. Knowing my father-in-law’s always cool head, I knew we were in imminent danger, and I prayed with everything in me to escape this peril. We finally pulled upon the bank we started from. I wanted to kiss the ground, but instead hugged my husband, who had driven to the docking point, to anxiously await our arrival. I swore never again, but several years later, I was coerced into boarding a small yacht for a party. Against my better judgment, I succumbed to the “husband pressure” and joined the partying group.

We were four couples, planning a leisurely excursion on the water, grilling thick, juicy steaks, and enjoying the night with friends. The plan was for the men to spend the afternoon together on the yacht, fishing, with the ladies joining them later for dinner and night cruising. As instructed, the ladies appeared at the dock at the assigned time. We were there…they were not. As time ticked away, our concern grew, until we were imagining every possible scenario. It was before cell phones so we were unable to call them. Finally, the yacht docked. We were so relieved to see them safe, it took a little while to determine why they “just lost track of time”. We soon realized they were buzzed, from their afternoon on the water (and not a fish in sight). Something inside me said, “Get off this boat”, but our husbands were being sweet and sorrowful, thus we cruised out to enjoy the night. Getting hungry, we all gathered on the back deck of the yacht to grill steaks. The charcoal was deemed perfect, and the steaks were sizzling. The smell was inviting to the hungry group. And then it happened! Yes… Deja vu. My senses heightened as I realized we were sinking. I could see land at a distance and thought, “I think I can make it to land”. But, what was waiting in the dark murky water? Snakes …critters…bloated cows …or worse? I was preparing for the worst when a ski boat pulled alongside us, equipped with rope and instructions for all aboard (except driver) to move to the front deck to help right the sinking yacht. We hurriedly obeyed, crossing through the large cabin onto a deck now sticking up in the air. Not knowing if the ropes and weight would right the yacht, and having seen no life jackets, I asked, “Do you have life jackets”? The answer was, yes and a point to a cabinet. Quickly putting one on, I heard a masculine voice say, “I need one of those… I can’t swim a lick”. It was the former NFL football player clutching his vest, as we continued our ritual of righting a sinking boat. Eventually, we assumed a natural boating position, and continued our planned event, minus the steaks (the water monsters ate those).

Upon arriving back at the dock, our friend the football player, had fallen asleep on one of the top bunks. When his wife attempted to wake him and remove the still attached life jacket, his response was, “not until my feet touch dry land”. …. My sentiments exactly! Absolutely no cruises for me!