Goodbye Cable

Sometimes life just tumbles into line, a perfect serendipity. Take this week, for instance. My wife contacted the cable company about reducing our bill from two kidneys and a liver down to one kidney, two pints of blood plasma, and seven fertile eggs. As always, resistance is futile. You will be assimilated, even if it takes them three full days repeating the mantra “We’ll offer you the best deal we can” while not offering you the best deal they can then disconnecting you because of a “system upgrade.” My wife, never a fan of the Borg, pulled a Picard and uttered some phrases I’m not used to hearing from her. In the end, she refused to be assimilated, suggested some places a system upgrade should be located, and said cable is caput.

So, we start looking for cable alternatives, finding just what we were after at a price that can be calculated by someone other than Dr. Frankenstein. In all seriousness, there are much cheaper options, but good luck cancelling. I hear there is a system upgrade that may take awhile unless, of course, you want to give them a pancreas or other comparable organ. I’m sure they’ll take that.

So this all seems far flung from any serendipity, save fortunately keeping some bodily tissue, but trust me, it’s on point. The new service we are looking at has some bizarre channels. You can imagine the usual suspects: a knitting channel, the Gumby network, those sorts of things. I have to admit the idea of watching Indonesian political news doesn’t necessarily appeal to me. Then I realized a magnificent turn of fate. I am not joking at all when I say this – they have a twenty-four hour goat channel. That, my friends, is serendipity all wrapped into one awesome little bleating package. That is a system upgrade.