Husbands Don’t Fare As Well In The Cold
To say it’s been cold lately is a complete understatement. Pipes have frozen, teeth have chattered, geese have pimpled. At one point, I stuck my head in the freezer to warm my ears. It was cold. Now as it turns out, cold is a relative term. My wife is from North Dakota. Apparently, it’s not […]
It Does What She Says
Through some luck and a spoiling Mimi, I have found the perfect gift for a wife. It’s the new Xbox One. My daughter got one for Christmas, and Prozac filled chocolate caramels couldn’t have a more calming effect on my lovely wife. Oh, I didn’t notice at first, but the changes are now so very […]
Much to be thankful for.
Christmas is over and a New Year is just around the corner, so perhaps it’s time to reflect then look ahead, just a bit. I have much to be thankful for and would like to take a moment to indulge that particular emotion. I am thankful for the time I have spent this year with […]
A Lobster Tale
The Christmas season is a time to gather around a warm fire with family and reminisce about the very best of times. In one of these glorious Christmas moments, my brother-in-law said, “Do you remember the lobster in Maine?” Everyone laughed because we all remember that day and that particular crustacean. It’s been over ten […]
Tie A Rope To His Foot
My father used to amuse himself in some unique ways, most of which ended up making my mom mad in some form or fashion. The cold weather we recently experienced reminded me of a particularly frigid, icy day my dad got a glint in his eye brought on by boredom. It was a cold January […]
Narcoleptic Shoppers
The Christmas season is tiring. Oh, it’s loving and magical and all that stuff, too, but it’s downright exhausting. For instance, I’ve taken three cat naps writing these first two sentences. For the record, there is a slim possibility my fatigue is related to age, but for obvious reasons, I’m going with holiday exhaustion. There […]
Canadian Math
If you pay close attention to your world, you’ll see some very interesting signs, and some are very confusing. One of my favorites is “slow children at play.” I don’t quite know how to take this sign. Is it a cavalier attitude toward the safety and welfare of fast children? Perhaps it represents misguided belief […]
Finding Bigfoot
There were a lot of really funny things that happened this week. Unfortunately, I can’t write about any of them without hurting someone’s feelings. Well, I guess I could write about the old guy in the wheel chair who scurried his feet on the ground like he was running from the lady pushing him as […]
The Loathsome Ladybug
They’re ferocious. They sneak up on you, crawling forward in relentless pursuit, and then they pounce, their mouths sinking into your flesh. You know the menace I’m talking about. Yes, the scourge of mankind. The evil that must not be spoken. The creepy in creepy crawly. The loathsome ladybug. Say what? You heard me. Ladybugs […]
My Dear Lily’s Halloween
Halloween is over, and I have to say it was an amazing week. Sugar comas are out of the way and the candy quest is complete, but that isn’t what made this week great. This week was all about the dog. Yes, that dog. My dear Lily, as you know, can be a handful. She […]
You Might Be Too Old To Trick-or-Treat If?
Once again, Halloween is upon us and Trick-or-Treat is on the tip of every kid’s tongue. I am emphatic when I say dressing up, knocking on doors, and begging for candy is a kid’s sport. Adults should never combine these activities, which by themselves could add spice to your marriage, get you encyclopedia salesperson of […]
Turn The Volumn Up
Life is getting more surreal by the moment. In fact, it’s gone far enough. I’m beginning to question whether my serotonin levels are off. Take my family dinner Sunday evening, for example. The adult conversation consisted of a five minute description of flan, fork jewelry, and geriatric pet sympathy. Then I learned my mother’s car […]
Bunnies are punks
It pains me to write this because they’re just so darn cute, but the truth can’t be ignored. Bunny rabbits are punks. They are big-eared, furry, taunting jerks. If they were football players, they’d deserve an unsportsmanlike conduct flag, despite the fact they aren’t actual men and don’t play sports. It was hypothetical, you get […]
She’s a stalker
When your brain works like mine, an epiphany can be as disturbing as it is enlightening. Unfortunately, I realized something today I don’t quite know how to process. You see, my daughter and my dog want to switch places. Oh, the evidence is clear. It’s the motivation that has me dumbfounded. Let’s see what you […]
Admitting My Fears
With Halloween approaching, my thoughts are turning to fear. For the record, I am not afraid of falling from a space station and drifting into cold, dark blackness or plummeting to Earth in a fiery death. The reason I am not afraid of those things is in truth simple. I am not currently on, nor […]
Can’t Get There From Here?
I went on a business trip this past weekend to a place near McMinnville, Tennessee, which I might add has a rockin’ VFW on Thursday nights. For those of you who don’t know, McMinnville is a bit isolated. Oh, who am I kidding? Saying McMinnville is a bit isolated is like saying the Titanic ran […]
