Desensitized Squatch

This week I was thinking about the meteor that exploded over Russia, and I was reminded of a YouTube video I watched showing it zoom toward Earth.  The video was from a Russian police car and you could hear the radio playing in the background.  It wasn’t a police radio, oh no.  It was 80s music.  And I thought to myself, that guy’s last words could have been, “I’d tell her that I love her but the point is probably moot,” as he sings along to Jesse’s Girl.  What a way to go.  The only thing worse would have been that Toto song about wild dogs crying out for solitary company.  Solitary company?  Really?  If those were my last words, I’d haunt Toto, you know, the band.  You’d play their record backwards and hear me saying, “These lyrics are stupid and you shouldn’t sing them because a meteor could be coming and you could be saying something profound like ‘all we are is dust in the wind’ or ‘Toto stinks,’ once again the band, not the dog from Kansas, but no it ends with solitary company.”  But I digress.  The point is I started thinking about last words.

I’m pretty sure someone’s last words will be, “There’s a squatch in these here woods,” and I hope I know which Bigfoot hunting ‘someone’ that will be.  On a side note, apparently Michigan Bigfeet are not “desensitized.”  I don’t know exactly what that means, but it has great potential that implies other squatch are desensitized, and there are so many directions I can go with a “desensitized squatch” it is almost paralyzing.  Medical condition, marital problem, or great apes that don’t like to be hugged.  Too many choices, you’re on your own with this one.

How about some other last words?  “Is that a shark or a dolphin?”  Or, “The plug’s stuck in the outlet.  I’m gonna pry it out with a fork.”  Or, “Parachute?  I thought you brought the parachute.”  That one is usually accompanied by, “Let’s go skydiving.”  Then we have my personal favorite (if you eliminate all squatch references), “Hey ya’ll!  Watch this!”  And now that I think about it, the people that say that usually resemble a desensitized squatch.  I find that whether this is coincidental or not is completely irrelevant to my amusement.  In fact, I am equally amused by a redneck skiing off his own roof or a squatch skiing off a redneck’s roof.  Both end in a beer and an ambulance and, well, a “Hey ya’ll!  Watch this!”