Dog and Watch Alarms

Have you ever had one of those surreal moments when hilarious and pitiful cross paths, like a lonely intersection of some desert highway replete with an old man in a pinstripe suit holding a cane waiting to ask about your willingness to part with your soul? You know the type of situation I’m talking about. You want to laugh, but harbor a serious concern it might be immoral or, in some states, even illegal. It’s that moment of confusion when part of you wants to say, “Bless her heart” and actually mean it while another part of you suspects you might have just seen the funniest thing you’ll ever witness. It’s a moral dilemma, isn’t it?

Well, that’s what happened to me the day my daughter got her new wristwatch. It’s waterproof, purple, and has more alarms than a liquor store in south central Los Angeles. It’s the alarms that caused the dilemma. It turns out any noise that watch makes sounds just like the warning beep on my dog’s invisible fence. My dog, it turns out, is smart. She remembers that warning beep and knows exactly what it means. That’s why we found her hiding in the closet. That’s why she sat on her mother’s lap for six straight hours after we made her come out of the closet. That’s also why watch alarms are off limits in our house.

Now, I have to admit when I saw our 75 pound space-invading, bull in a China shop, let’s-wake-you-up-by-sticking-a-tongue-up-your-nose dog peeking out of the closet in abject fear, I was torn. For the record, I went with, “Bless her heart.” My reward for a clear moral compass was, of course, a tongue up the nose at five a.m.