Different Languages

jcp-reallyI was trying to explain teenage boys to a group of teenage girls last week, and I had a startling revelation.  From a girl’s perspective, teenage boys are like goats who think they’re wolves.  Consider this: they follow you around (if you’re a teenage girl), they have a few wispy hairs on their chins, and they’ll eat just about anything.  They make a noise that is theoretically supposed to communicate something, but it doesn’t amount to much and is mostly indecipherable, yet it gets repeated as if it’s supposed to be understood.  Sounds like a goat.  Now add in constant competition, a desire to be in charge, and an obsessive need for female attention, and you have the quest to be Alpha goat.

I’m sure the girls reading this are nodding their heads and feeling superior.  While most men will not deny their superiority, especially the married men, don’t think that women are anywhere close to normal as far as men are concerned.  In fact, to a teenage boy, they seem like a riddle wrapped in a pink and lavender enigma hidden in a labyrinth of mostly unnecessary emotion guarded by a minotaur that smells really good and smiles at you in a way that makes you melt just before it gores you to death for something you didn’t understand you did wrong.  Girls and boys even have their own separate languages.  To prove my point, I’m going to say something in girl then translate it to boy.

Sometimes when I’m alone, not truly alone but alone inside, I feel something I don’t normally notice.  It’s an emptiness, as if I’m not yet complete no matter how hard I try.  It’s like the blue in the rainbow is there, but the indigo has left me.  I know I’m meant to be more, but I don’t know what’s missing.  It makes me feel incomplete, even cold, like the warmth of the sun can’t find me in the shadows of my soul.  I long for the hard metallic feel of a compass that points me toward a warm heart, a complete me.

Now for boy.  My stomach is growling.  I’m either hungry or I have gas.  Uggh, no, that didn’t help, but I better move up wind.  Wish I knew which direction that was.  Is that a taco stand?  I’m definitely hungry.  It’s kinda cold out here.  A taco will warm me up.

Source: David Swann